This blog will be moving.....

Alrighty sisters, I've found a better site to keep everyone informed, so this blog will be moving to facebook. yes I have succumbed to peer pressure, it's so much cooler, and u can get to see all my hot hockey friends there too!

Search my first and last name and send me a friend request, as I have the profile set to private. But be warned, it will not contain all the juicy stories that this blog has, since everyone gets to see it, especially the ones that I have a crush on. Wouldn't want them to think I was a slut now would i?

It's been a fun year and a half, but the traffic just doens't justify me keeping 2 sites. So long, farewell, aufedersein adieu....

PS: I'm so impressed with myself, I spelt aufedersein off the top of my head to within one letter! I had an extra `e' in there.....pat pat......

Moving on....and another new crush!

It's been a bit difficult, but I think I'm starting to move on from this last relationship. Time apart has given me the opportunity to think about Mr X and I, and he just needs to change a few things in his life on his own. I've always said that I don't want to to be a babysitter.

The hard part still is seeing how depressed Mr X is. He still wants to get back together and seems to have started making some changes to his life. I will be there for him when he needs me as a friend, but the selfish part of me wants to get away from it all as I have enough crap in my life with my job and the disappointments in men to deal with.

But I still care about him alot and I won't just abandon him. 1 year is not long as relationships go, but it's long enough that the bond you develop doesn't just disappear overnight (unless it's a nasty breakup from cheating or lying for example).

In time, if he does find his own life and is a happier person, I will consider dating him again, but not now.

In the meantime, I'm starting to get back into the swing of single life and going out more. Just last week, I was out almost everynight doing something. Last night was the start of the gay hockey league season and I had so much fun mingling with my new team, and several cuties from previous teams I've been on. I realized I do miss the social butterfly personality I had before I dated Mr X.

So as usual, I now have another new crush. Dan is the name, blond is the game. Cute as hell, decent hockey player, fund manager in his own investment firm, and Jay u'll love this....his house was featured on one of Sarah Richarson's makeovers!! It was done about 2 years ago, when she was filming Design Inc. The rerun of his episode was on TV about 2 weeks ago and the guys were talking about it, which is how I came to find out.

He is sooo nice, friendly, no attitude and just so McDreamy......After we showered in the locker room together (I wish it was THAT kind of together, we showered at the same time, but at different shower heads in a stall-less shower area, yum), we went to drop off our stuff in our cars before returning to the bar for drinks with the boys. He actually waited for me so we could walk back in together, then proceeded to sit next to me....he loves me, he loves me not....dammit!

I'm sure he's already partnered up, good men like him never are single. If he is, chances are he has issues. lol!

But I can still dream about McDreamy......

I need to move to a deserted island

I'm tired of people, period.

More and more, people, specifically idiotic people, or ones with issues. I am dead tired of all of them.

People who drive like idiots, people with no patience who honk and cut people off, who park in dangerous places, cab drivers, handicapped stickered drivers who park on busy roads all day every day...

People who are butt ugly and are assholes but end up marrying the cutest, nicest guys, who are apparently blind when it comes to picking the right guys. (me bitter? Naw....lol)

Lying ass politicians.

People who take 10 minutes to say something that can be said in one sentence.

People who luck out on everything in life when they don't even try for stuff (jealous? Naw....)

Most of all, people I have to deal with at work, not my colleauges, but the volunteers and donors. I tell you, gay people who have issues (and that means 90% of all fags) bring them to organizations they volunteer or donate to. As the official `be nice to everyone' staff, I have to be nice and deal with all their insecurities and make them feel good about themselves. I'm telling you, the moment I give my 2 weeks notice, I'm going to be telling a hell of alot of these dumb ass fag fuckers to go sit on a fire hydrant, dry.

There, rant complete, I feel better now. Can you tell I'm having a bad morning at work again?

My dream job would be to deal with machines, I can at least turn them off, or smash them up when they piss me off.

Feeling kinda lonely......

I guess it's normal to feel lonely after breaking up. The adjusting to single life is not going great I have to admit, I'm regularly wishing I still had a boyfriend.

What do I have to do to find that one man that I can spend the rest of my life with? I've been through a few relationships and none of them have worked out. When I see these couples who've been together for years and years and are happy overall, it just makes me wonder why I haven't found mine yet. Is it because I'm too picky and expect too many things, or is it because it's me who has the problems?

Even at work this morning, I was reading on gay.com about couples who met through that site and they're all glowing reviews of the love of their lives they met there. These perfect reviews of their loves don't really help my spirits does it? Just getting on the chat lines on gay.com makes me fall asleep, no one ever talks in the channels, and it's just a waste of time. If someone actually says anything, it usually starts with `30 yr old top in east end looking to meet up, your place or mine'. zzzzzz.......

I guess I'll just have to get a life again, away from my xbox (ugh!). With hockey season starting this week, the socializing will help get me out there again. It's strange returning to the league as a single woman this year....sigh..............

I really shouldn't get into a relationship or be looking for one so soon, but the urge is there for some weird reason. I've been thinking about having kids again these few weeks. Is it because my biological clock is ticking? Could that be why I have all these feelings about relationships and kids? Someone make me a slut again please, life was simpler then.....

Star Trek is REAL!

I'm a super geek, and proud of it.

I was very excited, pee my pants excited to be exact, to read that so many things from Star Trek are becoming reality. Some are things that you never thought would be possible.

To start off light, the new Ipod-touch launched yesterday, is basically one of those pads that replaced paper. The new I-touch with it's colourful large touch sensitive screen looks exactly like a ST pad, only with different graphics.

To move on to heavier tekky stuff, search under `antimatter' in wikipedia and many ST terms and lingo actually are real life things today! Did you know that antimatter is being produced in ever larger quantities today? The amount is still in the nanograms, but nonetheless, once technology catches up, we may be able to produce enough to power starships on long journeys into space. This is exactly what is done in ST, where antimatter basically powers the warp drive. Interestingly, scientists have theorized that warp speed is actually possible, we just don't have the technology to do it yet.

The most exciting thing was that deuterium, a common fuel used in ST, is actually something that occurs naturally on Earth and the universe! I always thought it was some fancy name that the writers came up with, but it's actually heavy hydrogen. It has a greater mass due to having a neutron where normal hydrogen doesn't have one. Deuterium combined with 2 oxygen molecules forms heavy water, which is used in producing plutonium for nuclear reactors or bombs. It's fascinating to read up on deuterium as it is even mentioned in World War 2 history when the Allied forces destroyed the Heavy Water production in Norway to stop the Germans from buidling an atomic bomb.

Ok, tek overload I know. So, who says Star Trek is science fiction and has no relation to our lives today?

Due to popular request.....

I've gotten emails about updating the new crush I have, so here it is....

I went to his place Tuesday night after work and hung out, got to see his nicely done loft condo and watched a bit of TV and talked about stuff. He's very sweet, and you just wanna eat him up! We hung out for a few hours and were pretty tired after as it was a school night after all and he works early. I shall not provide gory details as he might turn out to be my future ex boyfriend.

Anyway, the short of it is that I don't know what he's looking for as I don't have a clear sign that he wants to date, or that he doesn't. Sound familiar? This is why I hate dating, especially in the first few dates, where it's constantly `he loves me, he loves me not'. I'm glad that my infatuation is fading to a crush as the days go by and I no longer rehearse `oh you feel very strongly about me, I'm glad you said that as I feel the same way too' to myself every 5 minutes or so. Come on, you know what I'm talking about, you've done it too, you just wont' admit it!

I'm a bit troubled as I don't want Mr X to feel more dumped if he finds out about this, if something should come out of Mr Blond (there, we've settled on a name for this new toy). Mr X and I still hang out like old times, I know, best to cut it off, but we do enjoy each other's company. We still support each other through our tough times with work and our breakup and are comforting to each other. I'll let things flow the way it goes, I'm just too tired to plan things anymore.

Love, crushes, adoration, breakups, things we really should evolve to do without as a species. It's no wonder I want to be vulcan, life would be so much simpler. Emotions bring us lots of joy, but it also brings lots of pain. Is it better to go through life emotionless like you're on prozac?

OMG I'm in love.....

So, it's been about 2 weeks since my r'ship with Mr X ended. Did we get back together again and are madly in love? Nope. Me thinks I've met someone else (I can hear you all screaming in unision, `waaaat?! Already?!?!')

Well, let me explain. This guy emailed me on gay.com a few weeks ago looking for a monogamous fuckbuddy arrangement, which I do appreciate. Why go out and risk catching something when you can sleep wtih just one hot guy without dating him?

We met today to have sex, to put it crudely but accurately. It didn't happen. `Quick tell me more!' you say.

We met outside a Starbucks downtown, and proceeded to take a walk around that area and finally sat down to chat. 2 and a half hours later, we barely wanted to say good bye but he had a dinner with a friend to go to. To put you at ease, and assure you that my sluttiness is still intact, we did kiss and hug, alot....

What attracts me to him is not only that he is blond cute tall and lean, but also because we get along so amazingly easily! We chatted like we were old friends and talked about everything. It's sad to say, but I think I know more about this guy in 2 1/2 hours than I do about Mr X's life in the 1 year that we dated. Did I mention he was hot?

He is single too. My logical Vulcan mind tells me to treat this only as a sex thing and that my emotional exuberancy will lead to my getting disappointed. I don't know what he's looking for, but I get a very strong sense that he's looking for more than sex, even if we did meet for just that.

So, we are meeting tomorrow for dinner at his place, and possibly do the you know what. But a big part of me doesn't really want to do the nasty because I'm treating this as a date. Oh jeesus christ superstar, this is too soon, I should not even be thinking about this stuff! But ya know, when the stars align, and basically hit you in the head with someone that really buzzes you, are you to say no?

I confided in Ro soon as I got home and she cautioned me to take it slow too, though she knows I feel very strongly about this one as I have not been so excited about someone for a very long time now.

Somebody slap me, why do I set myself up for these disappointments?

Die tree rats, die!

As inhumane as it sounds, I've had it with these tree rats, otherwise lovingly known to non gardeners as Squirrels.

For the past 2 years, I've tried every method from dog pee to physically chasing them, rat poison, you name it. They LAUGH at my attempts.

The last straw was a few days ago when they ate the sunflower I've been growing for the past few months. After months of care, the huge blossom finally opened, and I was enjoying it while relaxing on my deck in the morning. By late afternoon however, I noticed the tall empty stalk reaching into the sky.....aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

Petals were strewn all about on the ground, with 3/4 of the flower head lying on the ground, dehydrating and party eaten. Everytime something like this happens, it's like my children dying. I can almost hear their screams of agony and pain as they get eaten. Flower bulbs, fruits, berries, all don't last very long in my yard because of these rats.

So, I went out to one of those outdoor stores, and got myself the ultimate weapon, an Air Rifle. Scary as it sounds, it's considered a toy and is not lethal when used correctly. It brings me back to my military days firing M16 rifles, kinda fun actually, only this time, it's live targets that I have a vendetta against instead of paper targets.

At the store, I approached the gun counter, and this was the first time I've ever seen one in person. It's common in the US I'm sure, but in Canada, it's not something you go to anytime. The array of shotguns was impressive, though a little scary to think that u can just buy a gun with a simple permit. Mine was considered a toy, so it was merely in a locked up display cabinet in a regular store aisle. I felt strangely butch walking out of the store with a rifle.....hehe

I'll update y'all on my first kill. Excited as I am about my new toy and the prospect of getting rid of those rats, I can't help but wonder; with all the unhappiness I have in my life right now, is this my first step into going postal? lol

Rainy days always get me down....

It's been raining all day and although I'm happy that the plants are finally getting some much needed water, this weather does get me down, more so because of the breakup last week.

I do miss Mr X, and although I know I made the right choice in ending the relationship, there is that something missing in my life which I've been used to for the past year. Everywhere I usually go or things I usually do remind me of him since we've hung out so much.

It doesn't help that a neighbour a few houses down seems to be having a wedding in their backyard today. They are the perfect looking couple; He is a young, blond, cute exec who wears a suit to work every morning, does the lawn, and just looks totally marry-able. She is a young, hot, chick, and ....asian. That bitch.....

Hearing the jazz music going on in their backyard today,and all the guests arriving on the street, just makes me wish that it was MY wedding. But alas, save for 1 or 2 guys in my life, all I get are men with emotional issues.

To make things worse, I checked the few dating sites I used to have my profiles on a long time ago, and the only guys who've written to me are eithe trolls, or oldies (we're talking over 60 here). The ones that I like always reply sweetly saying they don't think we're a match (ie u're not my type, so f-off).

I've been watching alot of Sex and the city this past week, and each episode nails the different dating situations I've ever had in my life. It's no wonder that series was so popular, especially with gay men.

To end with a Kerrie Bradshaw-esque quote: Isn't it ironic that in a country where 2 men can finally get legally married, that I will probably never do because I can't find one?